So, I though for this blog I would just tell you a little about myself, my history and my inspiration for doing this. So here it goes :]
When I was 16 and at the end of my Sophomore year of high school I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Basically what that is, is the inability to digest wheat, rye and barley and your body attacks itself thinking that those are harmful things (also known as an autoimmune disease). So I went through a lot of hell that summer and the next year, I basically lost all my friends because I was always sick and never wanted to hang out. I started to pray and get closer to God at this point. I ended up going to school half days my junior year and teaching myself AP classes. That was a really really rough time in my life, and I was determined to make senior year better. It all started out good and that's when I met Ashlynn's dad, we will call him "X". X and I had algebra together and he tried to pick me up on a daily basis. My original goal was to join the Army reserves, until they wouldn't let me in because of my disease. So then X and I started dating and a few months later I was pregnant. He told me he wanted to marry me, so he was the first guy I had ever been with. I wasn't really into God very much at this point, as he tried to stray all my views from it. Then, he cheated, and we broke up the first time, we tried to make it work two more times, and the last time I was 8 months pregnant and he cheated with a so called friend, who he thought he had gotten pregnant, turns out she wasn't or she got an abortion... wouldn't surprise me since she had another one later on.... but that about sums that up so far.
About a month or so after I had Ashlynn I started getting back into my faith again. I did meet my fiancee through christianmingle.com and I am so thankful for that. We share pretty much all of the same ideas in our faith. Shortly after we started dating I figured out my calling from God is really to help others, and now I find that I can help others by bringing awareness to single teen parenting and teen pregnancy. I am so thankful that God has blessed me and keeps blessing me with my great fans! We are already up to 285 likes in less than a week! So everyone keep sharing, and keep posting. You guys rock!! You are the reason I keep doing this! I am so thankful!! So post your comments/questions/concerns/topics you want me to blog about. I am thinking about doing a vlog too... not sure how that would work out.... but ideas are welcome! I hope I am inspiring at least some of you out there, and hoping you spread the word about teen pregnancy... Thanks everyone!! Happy memorial day!!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Boyfriends, Partying & Religion
So this blog is mostly responding to questions that I have been getting.... WARNING: This blog is pretty diverse so if you want to chew me out for reading it, then DON'T read it!!!
Topic 1: Boyfriends while pregnant. I was asked by a user if I think having a boyfriend while being pregnant who is NOT the father is ok. My response; yes. I do think that having a stable male in your life to support you while you are going through this extremely emotional time is perfectly ok. As long as he is helping you, emotionally, and not causing more drama in the relationship/your life I think it's a great idea. I wish that I could have had someone to depend on while I was pregnant. If he is willing to step in and take the father role and be financially there for you then more power to him! That is, if the biological father wants nothing to do with the child, if he does then I don't advise the new man being called "daddy." Why people think that you MUST be with the biological father no matter how crappy they are is beyond my knowledge (yes, I had a lady tell me I "HAD" to be with him because he is the father... how messed up is that!?) Obviously I did not take her advice and after Ashlynn was 3 months old I started to see other guys. I did not date while I was pregnant only because I was trying to work it out with her father at the time, and I did not find anyone who seemed decent enough to be with at the time. Am I glad I moved on and started seeing someone new? Yes, I don't believe anyone should be forced to stay with the father if he is not doing anything good for either of your lives.
Topic 2: Partying. Oh my goodness... this is one topic that sets me off the deep end. Teen mom's who go out and party ILLEGALLY all the time!! I know one girl who had a baby right around the time I did who is my age and about 90% of the time she isn't at work she is partying and ditches her child off with her mother and sister. That DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I understand getting out and needing some free time, but partying all the time is just plain stupid. It's like ASKING to get your child taken away. If you get caught in possession or with a DUI you are automatically in BIG trouble especially if the dad wants custody/rights. You choose to have this child, and to have sex (there is always adoption) so if you don't feel like you want to be a mom other then when it's convenient for you, choose adoption!! That child deserves to have a mom/dad that actually wants to spend time with them. So to sum up, going out and having some free time is ok; partying, especially underage, is not.
Topic 3: Religion. Yet another diverse subject. My main point here is going to be raising a child with two separated parents who have different ideas of religion. So in my family, we are huge Christians and that's the way I was raised my whole life, Sunday school EVERY Sunday. Her father on the other had, has never been baptized and started going to youth group on Wednesday nights a few months ago, other than that has stepped foot in church on rare occasion. I want to bring her up Christian with good values, so hopefully as time progresses he will support me in that. I am not implying that any of you need to have religious views or believe what I believe, this is just a question I was asked. I don't care honestly if you believe in God, or whatever else, this is just what I believe, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
I'd like to make a special side note that I am engaged, however we live currently in different states and don't get to see much of each other right now due to current working situations. He is not the father, and we met after Ashlynn was born. He is financially supportive of us as much as he can be, and he does love Ashlynn as well. I do believe it is ok to move on from the father to someone who loves and respects you.
Okay peeps! Post your questions/comments/concerns/new blog topics here or on my facebook page "The Life of a Single Teen Mom" looking forward to the responses from this one! (Sorry it took so long I worked a total of 22 hours this weekend, BLAH!) Give me some topics to rant and I will try to post another one tomorrow (Monday)!
Topic 1: Boyfriends while pregnant. I was asked by a user if I think having a boyfriend while being pregnant who is NOT the father is ok. My response; yes. I do think that having a stable male in your life to support you while you are going through this extremely emotional time is perfectly ok. As long as he is helping you, emotionally, and not causing more drama in the relationship/your life I think it's a great idea. I wish that I could have had someone to depend on while I was pregnant. If he is willing to step in and take the father role and be financially there for you then more power to him! That is, if the biological father wants nothing to do with the child, if he does then I don't advise the new man being called "daddy." Why people think that you MUST be with the biological father no matter how crappy they are is beyond my knowledge (yes, I had a lady tell me I "HAD" to be with him because he is the father... how messed up is that!?) Obviously I did not take her advice and after Ashlynn was 3 months old I started to see other guys. I did not date while I was pregnant only because I was trying to work it out with her father at the time, and I did not find anyone who seemed decent enough to be with at the time. Am I glad I moved on and started seeing someone new? Yes, I don't believe anyone should be forced to stay with the father if he is not doing anything good for either of your lives.
Topic 2: Partying. Oh my goodness... this is one topic that sets me off the deep end. Teen mom's who go out and party ILLEGALLY all the time!! I know one girl who had a baby right around the time I did who is my age and about 90% of the time she isn't at work she is partying and ditches her child off with her mother and sister. That DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I understand getting out and needing some free time, but partying all the time is just plain stupid. It's like ASKING to get your child taken away. If you get caught in possession or with a DUI you are automatically in BIG trouble especially if the dad wants custody/rights. You choose to have this child, and to have sex (there is always adoption) so if you don't feel like you want to be a mom other then when it's convenient for you, choose adoption!! That child deserves to have a mom/dad that actually wants to spend time with them. So to sum up, going out and having some free time is ok; partying, especially underage, is not.
Topic 3: Religion. Yet another diverse subject. My main point here is going to be raising a child with two separated parents who have different ideas of religion. So in my family, we are huge Christians and that's the way I was raised my whole life, Sunday school EVERY Sunday. Her father on the other had, has never been baptized and started going to youth group on Wednesday nights a few months ago, other than that has stepped foot in church on rare occasion. I want to bring her up Christian with good values, so hopefully as time progresses he will support me in that. I am not implying that any of you need to have religious views or believe what I believe, this is just a question I was asked. I don't care honestly if you believe in God, or whatever else, this is just what I believe, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
I'd like to make a special side note that I am engaged, however we live currently in different states and don't get to see much of each other right now due to current working situations. He is not the father, and we met after Ashlynn was born. He is financially supportive of us as much as he can be, and he does love Ashlynn as well. I do believe it is ok to move on from the father to someone who loves and respects you.
Okay peeps! Post your questions/comments/concerns/new blog topics here or on my facebook page "The Life of a Single Teen Mom" looking forward to the responses from this one! (Sorry it took so long I worked a total of 22 hours this weekend, BLAH!) Give me some topics to rant and I will try to post another one tomorrow (Monday)!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Visitation and New "Moms"
This blog is a response from my facebook wall. I was asked to write about when the father takes the child and when there is a new girlfriend involved. So here goes my rant!
As far as new girlfriends go, I am not a whole lot experienced with that, because my baby daddy has only had dates and not girlfriends and as far as I know (which isn't a whole lot) he hasn't had her around a lot of new girls. What I am going to post next is going off friends who have gone through this. I do know someone who had a divorce and when her ex started dating a new woman he told all his kids to call her "mommy". First off, if my BD ever even THINKS of saying that he will get a swift kick to the face and/or pants. I get that one day he will get over me and this idea that we are going to get back together (which will not happen, I am currently with a MUCH better man :D) and he will get a new girlfriend. I am honestly not comfortable with the idea, it scares me to death to think some weirdo girl (for all I know this potential girl could be nice I just have this ideal in my head) will have her grubby hands all over MY baby that I carried for 9 months, NOT her. I don't even want to cross that bridge! Ashlynn is getting to the point where she knows who people are and I don't want the poor child having to get used to a ton of random girls that he may or may not decide to bring into her life. I'm sure a lot of you reading this have baby daddy's who are the type who now just try to get with as many random girls as possible and don't care if the child has to meet 20 of them. However as mothers we are a lot more careful about who we introduce into our children's lives. After I had Ashlynn I went on a few dates but was scared to introduce her to any guys until I was sure about them. Which was one guy, the one I am with now, haha. So I imagine the heartbreak that you mothers go through when they are around new women, and when and if they eventually end up getting married to them and "replacing" you or trying to.
Visitation.... blahhh what a topic to speak about. In order for my story to make sense I need to give some background on my situation. Basically, he off and on wanted Ashlynn, and after she was born he decided he wanted to "half-assed" be a part of her life... he is getting better now, but he took me to court to get visitation rights and I am still paying off that bill. He gets her 3 days a week for a total of 12 hours in the week, if I am feeling nice I do let him have a little extra time. He has been stepping up more lately and buying things for her and that kind of thing, but there was a period of time where he brought her home hours early in poopy diapers and that kind of things... However, my emotions run high everytime he takes her. I feel sick to my stomach, and nervous and my heart breaks everytime she goes out the door, usually when he has her I am working though to try to take my mind off of it. but it still sucks and is emotionally very tough to do. To me I don't think it's physically possible for anyone to love her as much as I do, there is no bond like the bond between mother and child. We do share joint legal custody but I have primary physical.
Any questions? ASK! Let me know on here or on facebook what you want me to talk about next! I am open to rant about anything and everything, and I am ALWAYS here for advice!!
Love to you all!
Lisa :]
As far as new girlfriends go, I am not a whole lot experienced with that, because my baby daddy has only had dates and not girlfriends and as far as I know (which isn't a whole lot) he hasn't had her around a lot of new girls. What I am going to post next is going off friends who have gone through this. I do know someone who had a divorce and when her ex started dating a new woman he told all his kids to call her "mommy". First off, if my BD ever even THINKS of saying that he will get a swift kick to the face and/or pants. I get that one day he will get over me and this idea that we are going to get back together (which will not happen, I am currently with a MUCH better man :D) and he will get a new girlfriend. I am honestly not comfortable with the idea, it scares me to death to think some weirdo girl (for all I know this potential girl could be nice I just have this ideal in my head) will have her grubby hands all over MY baby that I carried for 9 months, NOT her. I don't even want to cross that bridge! Ashlynn is getting to the point where she knows who people are and I don't want the poor child having to get used to a ton of random girls that he may or may not decide to bring into her life. I'm sure a lot of you reading this have baby daddy's who are the type who now just try to get with as many random girls as possible and don't care if the child has to meet 20 of them. However as mothers we are a lot more careful about who we introduce into our children's lives. After I had Ashlynn I went on a few dates but was scared to introduce her to any guys until I was sure about them. Which was one guy, the one I am with now, haha. So I imagine the heartbreak that you mothers go through when they are around new women, and when and if they eventually end up getting married to them and "replacing" you or trying to.
Visitation.... blahhh what a topic to speak about. In order for my story to make sense I need to give some background on my situation. Basically, he off and on wanted Ashlynn, and after she was born he decided he wanted to "half-assed" be a part of her life... he is getting better now, but he took me to court to get visitation rights and I am still paying off that bill. He gets her 3 days a week for a total of 12 hours in the week, if I am feeling nice I do let him have a little extra time. He has been stepping up more lately and buying things for her and that kind of thing, but there was a period of time where he brought her home hours early in poopy diapers and that kind of things... However, my emotions run high everytime he takes her. I feel sick to my stomach, and nervous and my heart breaks everytime she goes out the door, usually when he has her I am working though to try to take my mind off of it. but it still sucks and is emotionally very tough to do. To me I don't think it's physically possible for anyone to love her as much as I do, there is no bond like the bond between mother and child. We do share joint legal custody but I have primary physical.
Any questions? ASK! Let me know on here or on facebook what you want me to talk about next! I am open to rant about anything and everything, and I am ALWAYS here for advice!!
Love to you all!
Lisa :]
Lots of likes!
Due to the growing demand on the facebook page I'm going to write a little tidbit today!! This page and blog is meant to bring awareness to teen pregnancy. Also, I want to be here to offer advice to girls who are teens and pregnant or mom's and need some help. I am so amazed at all the strong women who have been posting their stories on my facebook page... I had no idea there were so many of us out there at all different ages and points in our lives. I think it is super important for me to keep making these blogs and keep telling my story. At first it was really hard for me to share my situation because I felt stupid for making the choices I did. I was raised in a Christian home, and still am Christian to this day (but not the "I'm-gonna-hit-you-in-the-face-if-you-don't-agree-with-me" type) so when I got pregnant, with the first guy I had ever had sex with, I felt like a slut. I got called horrible names in my senior year of high school, and I spent a lot of time at home because I was too embarrassed to go to class. Irony is, a girl who kept a list of over 80 guys she had "conquered" called me a slut.... now she like 8 months pregnant... haha. (karma anyone?) Also, I'd like to throw my sense of humor out there too. I am not uptight about these issues and at this point I am willing to lay anything on the line to help someone out or avoid a situation, or heck, even if you just want to know go ahead and ask! No secrets here!! Sooo, keep posting and let me know what you would like to me to talk about next!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Work & Money
So I know one of the things people commonly ask me is this: How do you deal with work and everything? My answer is pretty simple; I'm blessed to have a wonderful supportive family. I work nights (5-11) while my mom watches her (she works days). I also work 8 hour days on the weekends, so I am away from her a lot during that time (heartbreak </3). Her dad also takes her on Saturday's for 6 hours at this point... so working fills that void too! I work on average 30 hours a week, but once I start school I am going down to like 15 or so. I am lucky in the sense that my parents let me live with them, and pay for some of my living expenses, but a lot I handle on my own. I do get child support, which I encourage any girl to file for because even though it's a long process (at least where I live) it is worth it! It's way too hard to afford everything by yourself! Also file for WIC (women and infant children) through your state... They help with food for yourself and formula (although I encourage breastfeeding, I have been doing it for SEVEN months!... but I will go off on that tangent later) and baby food when they get to that point. So basically in the time I wasn't working I racked up a large credit card bill, but that was only 3 months during maternity. Now I am stuck paying that plus the fees of a lawyer since her dad decided he wanted part custody (again another tangent). But, there are daycares out there, and a lot of my friends I know jump at the chance to babysit my little cutie, so I don't find a reason single parents can't work other then sheer laziness, which just makes me mad!! A lot of it is time management, you have to plan your day, which being a teen is hard to think that far into the future, and you have to have a plan of goals you want to accomplish. For me, that is school (start in August of 11) and work. Once you get your goals in place, you will soar! As I say every blog, feel free to ask me ANY questions, I will answer as best as I can! Also check out my facebook page, you can also ask questions there (The Life of a Single Teen Mom).
I am going to try to be posting on here at LEAST 2 times a week! So try to keep up!!
I am going to try to be posting on here at LEAST 2 times a week! So try to keep up!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Introduction
Hi everyone :]
My name is Lisa, I am just going to use this first post to explain to everyone my goal of this blog and my facebook page!
If you read my info it says
So my point in doing everything is to tell people and kids about single teen parenting. I am not going to lie like "Teen Mom" and "16 & Pregnant" and make it look glam and easy, because that is SO not how it is. I will tell you this; single parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know people are first going to ask the story and I will tell you this; My daughter's father was the first guy I had ever "been" with and I was a senior in high school. We dated until about 3 months into the pregnancy when he started lying to me. He is involved in her life today, which is good, but we are not together. We are however working things out into a friendship. I am currently seeing someone else. Ashlynn Grace-Joan is now 7 months old and was born 10/14/10. We are going through the teething phase and it is NOT a fun one! I want anyone to feel free to ask me advice or ask me any question and I will answer 100% honestly. :]
My name is Lisa, I am just going to use this first post to explain to everyone my goal of this blog and my facebook page!
If you read my info it says
"I am 19 and live in SD. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 17, she was born when I was 18." |
So my point in doing everything is to tell people and kids about single teen parenting. I am not going to lie like "Teen Mom" and "16 & Pregnant" and make it look glam and easy, because that is SO not how it is. I will tell you this; single parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know people are first going to ask the story and I will tell you this; My daughter's father was the first guy I had ever "been" with and I was a senior in high school. We dated until about 3 months into the pregnancy when he started lying to me. He is involved in her life today, which is good, but we are not together. We are however working things out into a friendship. I am currently seeing someone else. Ashlynn Grace-Joan is now 7 months old and was born 10/14/10. We are going through the teething phase and it is NOT a fun one! I want anyone to feel free to ask me advice or ask me any question and I will answer 100% honestly. :]
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